On Thursday we went to the A&P show. After we did we had to do some activities based on the A&P show. I only got to finish four out of eight but this is my work. You will probably need to go into present mode/ make it bigger, when reading the information. I would like some feedback on what I could change.
I am flying in plane, I can see shipwrecks, sand and submarines, broken ships rusted, like a desert which was once a sea but got drenched. Rubbing my eyes I look about, I feel hopeless. I see a lighthouse flashing the lights about.
I look around it I can see a cloud, and not just an ordinary cloud, a rain cloud. All hope was lost expect for that rain cloud. Now we had hope, suddenly I heard the crackling of the motor, I hear my plane breaking down as the plane slowly falls down and down, I hear a loud thump and everything went pitch black.
I hear a voice of a another person I looked up and I saw another girl, she had a worried face on her. I opened my eyes fully as I saw the face turn into a smile. Wondering I looked around I saw walls, although there was some moss growing around it, I asked her “where am I…” She replied “in the lighthouse, you’ll be safe now” I shook my head in replying meaning no I need to get the rain cloud, “I saw your plans and your plane, I will help you knowing that this was once a sea” she said.
“ firstly, can you fix the plane?” “umm” she mumbled “Perhaps... but you’re going to have to help me because I don’t have the tools for it, but I’m sure there’s some in your plane, right?” I nodded. “well then let’s get started!” she said, I hopped up and realizing how many scratches I had gotten when I had crashed.
I looked outside, I said “maybe we could start there” I pointed to my plane propeller she nodded “well then we might have to search for some replacements too. We went down the cold stairs and started to search for things. I started of by looking at some submarines finding lot’s of preparalos in some of the boxes. Hurring I gave them to her she looked inside the boxes and she took out a large propeller. She fixed it on with some tools and in some time the plane was fixed again.
I started the engine as it crackled at first clearing into a nice engine sound. I asked her to hop and she did. We took of flying straight at the cloud went right through it and rain started to pour down, now that was only the start. I looked about I took out a machine known as the rainmaker or more like, ocean maker. I switched it on, and I flowing swirl of water came to rise. I tossed it off the plane.
Gradually wildlife came, water rose, and ships floated, filling caverns with water as squid appeared. Rust disappeared like glitter and all was back, sea spread, seaweed grew!, it was all a dream come true, rocks were shells and sand was gold. But all that caught my eye was a black man and his shadow disappear.
The writing Process:
This is the video that we used for the start of our story, but we only used the very start of the video.
Next we did a Brainstorm with the whole class these are some photos.
After we made a plan on what we were going to write about and then we wrote our whole story after I had written it I reread it but I didn't quite have time to put more descriptive language.
I would like some feedback on making it flow better but making sure it is still has a sudden feeling.
