Chapter 8
DUN DUN DUN! And very dramatic music started to sound, and what stood on the tower was
the figure, the figure again, DUN DUN DUN! And fireworks shot up into the air, unfortunately…
“hot hot hot hot!, turn them off!” and the people went and took them off “Now, greetings my
fellow.. Fellow.. Uh, give me the paper!” “ok Now, let me restart, greetings my fellow thieves,
looks like you have.. THE ENCHANTED STAFF!” and he pointed at it “If you don’t hand it
over you will have to fight my fellow troops” said the figure “Never! We are never handing it
to you, after trying to capture us” said Jedi turning away from Him, “well you get to start the
battle of first” said the figure, “let’s go!” Jedi said, (the sound of silence) “how do we fight?”
asked Mika “You go first” Said Mia to the figure “No you” said the figure “Aren’t you the bad
guys, wouldn’t you want to go first?!” said Nikita “No YOU” said the figure standing up now,
“You” said Jedi “no YOU!” said the figure “You!” said Parwin “NO YOU!” said the figure “sorry
to disappoint you, but it’s five against one, for YOU to go first” said Mika, “Is it because Eben
and Mikeal are selling pancakes that we want him to go first?” asked Nikita “Nikita it has
nothing to do with the boys” said Jedi, “It’s cause we’re better at running away not going head
on…” said Parwin. “I heard that!” said the figure, “if you like running then… Three!” and all of
them turned around into running positions “Two!” “one!”
the figure, the figure again, DUN DUN DUN! And fireworks shot up into the air, unfortunately…
“hot hot hot hot!, turn them off!” and the people went and took them off “Now, greetings my
fellow.. Fellow.. Uh, give me the paper!” “ok Now, let me restart, greetings my fellow thieves,
looks like you have.. THE ENCHANTED STAFF!” and he pointed at it “If you don’t hand it
over you will have to fight my fellow troops” said the figure “Never! We are never handing it
to you, after trying to capture us” said Jedi turning away from Him, “well you get to start the
battle of first” said the figure, “let’s go!” Jedi said, (the sound of silence) “how do we fight?”
asked Mika “You go first” Said Mia to the figure “No you” said the figure “Aren’t you the bad
guys, wouldn’t you want to go first?!” said Nikita “No YOU” said the figure standing up now,
“You” said Jedi “no YOU!” said the figure “You!” said Parwin “NO YOU!” said the figure “sorry
to disappoint you, but it’s five against one, for YOU to go first” said Mika, “Is it because Eben
and Mikeal are selling pancakes that we want him to go first?” asked Nikita “Nikita it has
nothing to do with the boys” said Jedi, “It’s cause we’re better at running away not going head
on…” said Parwin. “I heard that!” said the figure, “if you like running then… Three!” and all of
them turned around into running positions “Two!” “one!”
Chapter nine
Is this a race?
“One!” said the figure “whoa whoa! Is this a race or something?” said Mia “yea, I thought you said you
like running!?” asked the figure “ well I guess so…” said Parwin “then why are you disappointed about
t? Whoever wins the race gets the staff!” said the figure “if It’s for the staff I’m in!” said Mia “same” said Nikita, and everybody else nodded, “let me restart!” said the figure “three!” “two” “one!” “go!” and they sped off! Running as fast as they can, “I think we should go to places that they are hard to follow!” Jedi whispered, “confusion!” said Nikita and Mia excitedly. Swirling and running around, that group of things came after us, struggling to keep up through the small gaps and spaces. They did have the staff still, which was a mistake that the figure had chosen. They kept running until “beep!” a big horn went, and they had done it they had won! “Congratulations… for your loss!” said the figure snickering, there stood was a thing it was in front of us, it had won…
like running!?” asked the figure “ well I guess so…” said Parwin “then why are you disappointed about
t? Whoever wins the race gets the staff!” said the figure “if It’s for the staff I’m in!” said Mia “same” said Nikita, and everybody else nodded, “let me restart!” said the figure “three!” “two” “one!” “go!” and they sped off! Running as fast as they can, “I think we should go to places that they are hard to follow!” Jedi whispered, “confusion!” said Nikita and Mia excitedly. Swirling and running around, that group of things came after us, struggling to keep up through the small gaps and spaces. They did have the staff still, which was a mistake that the figure had chosen. They kept running until “beep!” a big horn went, and they had done it they had won! “Congratulations… for your loss!” said the figure snickering, there stood was a thing it was in front of us, it had won…
Chapter ten
It can’t be!
They stared at the creature, there was nothing to do now it was done, “you can hand the staff over to me now!” said the figure, they slowly handed the staff over then… boom! Suddenly a great gusto of smoke came flying over the area causing them to be blinded, was it the figure or was it the staff? That was the question, after the smoke had cleared we could see. It was the staff! It had magically disappeared, the friends stood there astonished, even the figure was surprised. “How… did… that... Happen?!” said Nikita confused, “I dunno it went poof! And then it went poof! And disappeared!” said Mia using her arms as actions, “I don’t think anyone knows!” said Mika “it can’t be, it can’t be!” screamed the figure and he disappeared in a cloud of smoke. “Well that’s sorted!” said Parwin Proudly “I want to eat!” exclaimed Jedi “good point we haven’t eaten much at all!” said Mia “let’s go get something!” said Nikita excitedly, “so what shall we have?” asked Parwin “ what about some Waffles from
Mikeal and Eben!” said Nikita “No no they probably sold out!” said Jedi, and they went chatting away. And it’s up to you to think of another story were the staff disappeared to...
THE END
Wow Mia you have included a great deal of action. Some of the action is presented in what your characters say. For instance: “I dunno it went poof! And then it went poof! And disappeared!
ReplyDeleteMay I suggest that it would be easier for this reader to follow if you had different lines each time a new character started speaking. Also I would love to see more descriptions of the settings just to give a little breather now and again from the action.
I am left wondering if I would like a staff. Did you imagine that the staff was like a big magic wand or was it something else altogether?
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DeleteGuten Tag Mia, I'm Ben from Waikowhai Primary School. I really like your writing. Try to keep it on the page because it goes on for a really long time if you scroll sideways. Also like Allan said; Try to make a new line every time a different character speaks. But other than that I think this is a very good piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteHi Ben! Sorry that it's like that, I realized that when copying and pasting from one doc to another, it has to be entered to be fixed. Thanks for the comment!
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